Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
