Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
