Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize