And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
