That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
