I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
