oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize