Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i love accidental penises.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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