i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
