I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
