brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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