Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
