The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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