I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
