We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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