i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
