as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
