Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize