I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Less talking, more tequila
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
