Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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