I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
