So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
