i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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