He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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