a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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