but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
