PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
