He uses pillows to masturbate.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
