what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
even my farts smell like vagina
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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