just tell him i said nine months
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize