You're my little dorito
...so i touched it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
