ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
