how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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