the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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