Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
