i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
