so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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