Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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