I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I checked into jail on foursquare
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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