he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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