Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
