we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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