I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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