Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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