dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Who died my cat blue again?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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