Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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