I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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