Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
