Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
