hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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