it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize