I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
