It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
