Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
