its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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