You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
