If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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