I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
