dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
