My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
