Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
