Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
