whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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