hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize