she was so not down for the gang bang
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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