my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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