I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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