I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well you can't waste a boner
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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