Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
