YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
