I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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