i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
