my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize