does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
