I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
