when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
