..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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