He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
