Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
