I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
