Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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