So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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