All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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