The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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