Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize