Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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